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Posted 20 hours ago

Emergency Questions: 1001 conversation-savers for any situation

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The drunk man is turning up regardless and is going to shout something, so you might as well choose. I’m fairly certain that this particular towel ultimately ended up wrapped around a slow-leaking radiator valve in my bedroom, subsequent to which it presumably found its way into the bin. If you could own and live in any building in the world – they would give it to you – where would you choose to live? If you were only allowed to have twelve bones in your body, and no kinds of implants to substitute for the others, which twelve of your bones would you elect to keep?

And which I mean, you can’t have gotten into the lift with them; they had to be in the lift you were in.

You would have to choose a famous person you most resemble and then only be employable as their look-alike. The Diatonic has a single row that you can essentially blow into and make a halfway melodic sound which is relatively in tune. A narrow escape for the Wee Stuart Anderson-faced star of Channel 4’s A Stab In The Dark there as we did just about manage to avert this – though the couple of weeks where there was no option but to resort to Pecorino instead must have had him checking the rear view mirror on a regular basis – but you really would have thought that the “WHATS THE MATTER WITH YER, YER CAN EAT GRAVY AND OLD COPIES OF THE DANDY LIKE YER NANA USED TO HAVE, IT WAS GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER WHYS IT NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU” brigade might have shut their boring unimaginative traps by now.

People are going to get mightily fed up with stuff suddenly disappearing and being expected to pay for it twice. Would you rather have to host ITV’s Tipping Point once a week for the rest of your life, or own a canoe?

Would you rather have to live the rest of your life with Emu from Rod Hull and Emu grafted onto your arm, and you have to keep him moving and reacting at all times, even when you’re on your own, or have to have a full bath every day and once it’s over have to drink all the bath water before you’re allowed to do anything else? At the time of writing – and this is just a handful of examples that I’ve noticed by chance and for different reasons – you can’t stream Absolute Beginners, the Marvel short A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Thor’s Hammer or Mike Westbrook’s Love Songs anywhere, but you can walk into HMV and walk out with all of them on physical media. If I’m born a bigot, does anyone have the right to tell me my lifestyle choice is wrong and I should change and be like them? Incidentally, when was the last time you saw someone reading a Kindle, as opposed to a physical book, on public transport? If I said you had a beautiful body, would you tell me I should ask for a refund from the author of this book?

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